i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
