I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
