Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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