your thong is hanging out like whoa
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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