cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
