Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
