i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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