Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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