# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
