I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
