Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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