I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Plan B is the new Plan A
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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