Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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