is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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