And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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