We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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