I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
