I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This is the high leading the old right now
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
