Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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