did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
