she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
