I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
