whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
