Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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