They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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