I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
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Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
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I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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