He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
