oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
farters have to be the big spoon...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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