She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
