there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
