Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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