she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
