this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
