Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
