remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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