Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
