Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
