Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
