Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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