my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
