We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
