Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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