the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
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I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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