In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
