one two three fourrrrnication!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
