well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
