Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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