I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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