Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
