One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
