Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
