I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
