bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
