So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
