It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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