he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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