So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
