You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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