I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
