My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
