I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize