why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Mom said you looked used
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize