Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
